August 2011
4 posts
4 tags
July 2011
16 posts
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,”Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she would...
A Second Opinion
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are no good in bed either,” and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, “What took you so long to answer to the...
Husbands and Horses
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the Head with a frying pan.
“What was that for?” the man asked.
The wife replied, “That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket.”
The man then said, “‘When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.”
The wife...
Marriage Humour
Wife: What are you doing?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
Husband: I was looking for the expiry date.
***
Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure! What are my choices?
Wife: Yes or no.
***
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the early warning.
***
A wife...
Kids Are Quick
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria.
***
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
***
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’ GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L TEACHER: No, that’s wrong....
Irish Prostitute
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cussed her.
“Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us? Not even a line! Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?”
The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff…Dad…I became a prostitute…”
“Ye what!!? Out of here,...
First Time
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it’s his...
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day...
The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever’!”
“Yeah?” she replies. “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last’!”
Reblog if your able to find something wrong in...
June 2011
1 post
May 2011
5 posts
Favourite Thornton pics
smittenskitten:
recycledvinyl:
Favourite Thornton pics
ooo found another one ;p
*dies* *loves Richard Armitage*
The awkward moment when you spell a common word...
lubadub:
Related moments: That awkard moment when your brain is so warped by the BDB books that words like vicious, torment, rage, fury, etc no longer look right.
April 2011
1 post
Men are like...
My personal favourites are 5, 8, 9 and 11.
Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the crap out of you.
Men are like Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like the Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like Blenders. You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
Men are like Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.
Men...
March 2011
8 posts
UPDATE 19TH MARCH 2011: My Netbook is back and in full working order so Falling Tears should be updated tonight at some point. Thanks for your patience.
Netbook fucked...AGAIN!
Yet again my Netbook has been attacked by a lovely little bastardising virus that likes to multiply and disable my programmes…fucking wanker! Anyways this fortunately came just after the deadlines for my College assignments (which I had completed and signed in) *big sigh of relief* However we have drafts for our next ones to prepare for and I also have more of Falling Tears that I want to...
January 2011
1 post
1 tag
Shitty poetry flowing through my head at 1:20am
Someday I wished for hope, I got despair. I wished for love, I got hatred. I wished for someone to want me, I got loneliness. I wished for the problem to vanish, I got lighter. I wished for someone to notice, I got ignored. I wished for someone to reach out and stop me, I got pain and suffering. I wished for it to end, I haven’t got that wish yet, but it might come true. Someday.
...
December 2010
3 posts
Need to get this out before I explode
I am in a complete emo mood and have been since my birthday. It has worsened since Christmas and now the nightmares have started. I have more bruises and cuts all over than I’ve had in the last two months. Mum is having financial problems and so I’m trying to help her by cutting back on things; mostly food which I know isn’t good. I’m in a funk right now and can’t do...
November 2010
2 posts
3 tags
Sneak Peek of Chapter 10 of Falling Tears
“Why do you do that?” I whispered as I stared into her deep brown eyes.
“Do what?” she asked looking confused, yet still keeping Lily as her shield from the nearest mirror.
“Hide from the mirrors. I noticed it the first time we went shopping. Emmett blocked them all.”
Bella immediately looked down at her feet and her grip on Lily tightened infinitesimally. I...
1 tag
Me saying the Freddie Krueger rhyme (apparently I...
October 2010
9 posts
2 tags
Recipe: Stuffed Beef Tomatoes
This is a dinner I absolutely adore. I’ve posted this recipe to go along with Chapter 3 of Falling Tears; one of my Twilight FanFictions.
Serves 4
Ingredients: 4 large beef tomatoes or 8 large ordinary tomatoes 3 oz (75g) wholemeal bread without crusts 8 oz (225g) minced beef 1 oz (25g) butter 1 medium onion, finely chopped 1 garlic clove, finely chopped 1 tablespoon chopped basil, or 1...
2 tags
“If you want a Rolls Royce, you go to England. Or wherever the fuck they make...”
– from Sleepers.
1 tag
Quenching a need to rant
Today has not been a good day at all for me. Seeing the Doctor and everything was hunky dory; I got my prescription and then went outside to walk to the bus station. Low and behold it started to rain! I had no coat or jacket so I got a bit wet.
At the bus station I bumped into an old Primary School friend and had a great chat with her. It was nice…ish. The shit we discussed made certain...
1 tag
Poem on Child Abuse
BLUE RIBBON AGAINST CHILD ABUSE My name is Sarah I am but three, my eyes are swollen I cannot see.
I must be stupid, I must be bad, what else could have made my daddy so mad?
I wish I were better, I wish I weren’t ugly, then maybe my Mommy would still want to hug me.
I can’t speak at all, I can’t do a wrong or else I’m locked up all the day long.
When I awake I’m all alone the house is dark my...
1 tag
1 tag
Psychological Test
This is a test thing we did in College today. Its quite fun.
1a) What’s your favourite colour?
1b) Describe your colour in three words.
2a) What’s your favourite animal?
2b) Describe your animal in three words.
3a) What’s your second favourite animal?
3b) Describe this animal in three words.
4a) Name your favourite place (i.e. town/city) you want to visit, or have...
1 tag
2 tags
