I am in a complete emo mood and have been since my birthday. It has worsened since Christmas and now the nightmares have started. I have more bruises and cuts all over than I’ve had in the last two months. Mum is having financial problems and so I’m trying to help her by cutting back on things; mostly food which I know isn’t good. I’m in a funk right now and can’t do anything about it. If I go out I’ll binge and then my fucked up body will start rebelling against me again and my weight will plummet. My brother keeps goading me and doing/saying shit that is making all the shit inside my head that much worse. The only way I’m keeping myself together is by hiding myself away in my room and making myself stay numb. But it is so hard. It is too difficult to try and push it back and I don’t know if I can do it anymore. I don’t know if I can keep it all from suffocating me. Writing this helps, but not much. I don’t know what I need…at least that is what I’m telling myself because I won’t go down that path ever again. I promised too many people I wouldn’t and I will do everything I can to make sure I keep those promises.